Signs of Sex Addiction in Your Partner

Does Your Significant Other Struggle To Control Their Sexual Impulses Or Behaviors?

There is no one-size-fits-all description of sex addiction. It can manifest in many different ways among different people. Sex addiction does not have to do with how high a person's sexual drive is, how much sex they have or want, or how much porn they watch, Damioli says. "It has to do with how someone relates to these things, why they engage in them, and how it impacts their lives."

While someone might not even be having that much sex, it might consume their lives, their thoughts, and their relationships. They may use these behaviors to numb and escape instead of heightening and enjoying.

Another sign is obsessive thoughts about sexual activity—i.e., racing thoughts that are related to sex and not being able to control them. Spending a significant amount of time on sexual pleasure despite harmful consequences is another sign.

People with sex addiction may spend time a lot of time masturbating, watching porn, or sending nudes to others, for example. Feeling shame, depression, or guilt after a sexual encounter can be another sign of an addiction. The process is very similar to other addictions in that after a person uses it, they feel guilty for doing so.

Sex Addiction Is A Rapidly Growing Health Concern, How Can You Ease Emotional Overwhelm?

The goal or purpose of every addiction is to ease emotional overwhelm. So, sex addiction is not an issue of being sinful or bad; it's a desperate response to feeling empty, unloved, or broken. Sometimes, those insecurities are born out of sexual, emotional, or physical trauma as a child. As an adult, sex easily becomes a vehicle for validation and affirming that lack of self-worth.

That's just one reason that sex addiction in all of its forms—chronic infidelity, online porn use, fantasy, and obsession—is the fastest-growing addiction of this century. In fact, in one survey, 7 percent of women and 10.3 percent of men expressed distress due to a pronounced difficulty controlling sexual compulsions.*

Someone who's dating or married to someone with a sex addiction often feels overwhelmed by the frequency with which sex is requested and the lack of intimacy that may exist in the sexual experience, Carter says.

Partners of people with sex addiction often spend much time at the beginning of the relationship thinking that something is wrong with them if they can't keep up with their partner's sexual demands. Thinking that you can't sexually satisfy your partner can engender anxiety, low self-esteem, guilt, embarrassment, and many other feelings," she says. You also may have anxiety around your partner's faithfulness or exposure to STDs, she says.

And it can be hard to maintain agreements in the relationship, such as being monogamous. Because of the compulsive behavior associated with sex addiction, it can be difficult for the partner suffering from it to be faithful. The desperation a person with sex addiction feels to use their drug of choice is no different from the desperation a person with heroin addiction feels. The urges are strong and hard to combat," says Carter.

Keep in mind not everyone who has a sex addiction problem will be unfaithful. Most people suffering from sex addiction crave and want deep emotional connections with their partners, but they are also fearful of that intimacy. Many people addicted to porn never act out sexually outside of their pornography use (whether or not a couple considers porn infidelity is another question).

The best thing you can do if you live with someone who is struggling with sex addiction is to encourage them to get help—and seek counseling for yourself.

At Insideout Living, we can help you heal old emotional wounds and teach you how to accept and love yourself through his betrayal to have healthy future relationships or continue your current while supporting your partner through their recovery.

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*https://www.researchgate.net/publication/303868602_A_Review_of_the_Research_in_Emotionally_Focused_Therapy_for_Couples

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If you want to gain agency over compulsive actions and improve how you feel about yourself, we can help. Please call 847 328 7588 ext 501 for your free, 10 to 15-minute consultation to assess your needs. Or, if you are interested in an intensive, you can email us directly to schedule an appointment.

*https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamanetworkopen/fullarticle/10.1001/jamanetworkopen.2018.4468