Betrayal Therapy Puts You In A Place Of Emotional Control & Clarity
Myths of the Journey:
#1: This wouldn't have happened if I had been a better spouse.
For many partners, family, and friends blame them for their spouse's sexual acting out. Many partners get messages that they need to be gentler, more loving, submissive, and sexy. These excuses are a sign of others' misunderstanding of sexual betrayal. It may be an attempt on the part of the addict to avoid owning the problem and accepting responsibility for getting well. You are not responsible for the addict's choices. Your behavior as a partner is not what caused your spouse to betray you.
Surveys have indicated that many partners are survivors of sexual abuse. Sexual betrayal is a form of sexual abuse. The feelings of shame and consequences of abuse may keep the partner from accepting her true value. Knowing our true value can protect us from unnecessary self-blame. As the secrets of the past and present can be dealt with in a safe place, the partner can take a powerful healing journey.
Many partners start their journey with false beliefs that can prevent healing the hurts of sexual betrayal. Challenge the beliefs that lead to self-doubt and depression.
#2: We must not be right for each other. Nothing like this would have happened if we were meant to be together.
The devastation of betrayal can happen in any relationship. This myth implies that I must have picked the wrong partner. One of the ways partners have been traumatized is when they are told that they somehow attracted a sex addict (sometimes called the heat-seeking missile theory). This sends the message that, somehow, the partner is culpable and must share the blame for being in a relationship with a sex addict. Nothing could be further from the truth. This jeopardizes the partner's healing and the addict's recovery process.
Most partners did not know about the sexually destructive behaviors before the marriage. Even if they did, it still wouldn't make you responsible for the addict's choices. In no way are you accountable for his choice to betray you. If he is to get well, he must accept responsibility for the way he chose to medicate himself. Virginia Satir once said, "Problems aren't the problem; coping is the problem." The person with an addiction has chosen to cope in a way that will harm himself and everyone in his family. The domino effects of betrayal are devastating.
Part of the healing journey will be making decisions about relationships. For now, please know that the addict's choices are not your responsibility. The relational impact of those choices is overwhelming. There is hope; I have seen so many hopeless relationships turn around and thrive. Yet this only happens when the addict can take responsibility and learn to cope in healthier ways. And you need to take this healing journey so that your wounds can heal and you can find hope.
#3: Partners of people with sex addiction are inadequate if they can't keep up with their partner's sexual demands.
Partners often feel anxious, guilty, and embarrassed when they can't meet their partner's sexual demands. However, it's essential to recognize that compulsive sexual behavior is not about the partner's inadequacy. It's a complex issue that requires understanding, empathy, and professional support.
Usually, when people come in for therapy, they are most concerned with the addictive behavior itself. But addiction is usually just the tip of the iceberg. Therapy gives clients a chance to drill down through that iceberg and understand the underlying issues at the heart of sexual compulsions. More often than not, those drivers include childhood abuse, sexual trauma, lack of self-worth, and a fear of abandonment. But therapy can teach you how to reconcile the past, regulate how you feel, and manage your impulses so that you no longer need a "flawed solution" to validate yourself.
We'll begin our time together with a thorough assessment to tailor our therapeutic strategies to your situation. It allows us to look at how your behaviors play out in the real world, what happened in your life to create those patterns, and how they show up in terms of money, work, and relationships. We'll also explore your core values and beliefs so that we can begin integrating them into how you want to live your life from now on.
At Insideout Living, we utilize a relational, psychoeducational, and strength-based model for healing and rebuilding yourself. To help you build a strong foundation for recovery, provide a task-centered approach to therapy with a clear beginning, middle, and end.
Perhaps you are considering betrayal therapy but still have concerns...
Can sex addiction counseling help the partner/spouse of the addict?
Sexual addictions often have a deeper emotional impact than drug and alcohol dependency because of the strong relational link involved. Partners, spouses, children, and relationships in general can all suffer. So, sex addiction therapy often requires a wraparound approach that encompasses all the loved ones who have been hurt. That's why we also have specialists dedicated to counseling couples, families, and partners of sex addicts. Using our structured S.T.E.P. program, we can give each person a voice, restore the integrity of your relationship, and help you decide how to move forward.
Does group therapy for relationship betrayal work?
There is much more potential for support and growth in group therapy than in individual sessions. The sense of community and the chance to help others suffering just like you make it clear that you are not alone and are not a monster! This is not about being good or bad but healing yourself. And the best way to heal relational wounds is through relationships, which is why group therapy for betrayal is so effective and highly recommended.
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*https://www.researchgate.net/publication/303868602_A_Review_of_the_Research_in_Emotionally_Focused_Therapy_for_Couples
Let Us Help You Heal & Be Whole
If you want to gain agency over compulsive actions and improve how you feel about yourself, we can help. Please call 847 328 7588 ext 501 for your free, 10 to 15-minute consultation to assess your needs. Or, if you are interested in an intensive, you can email us directly to schedule an appointment.
*https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamanetworkopen/fullarticle/10.1001/jamanetworkopen.2018.4468
