When Sex Addiction Has Ruptured Trust in Your Relationship—What’s Next?
Addiction of any type can leave you feeling like you’re living a real-life Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde horror story. Sex addiction adds another layer to this volatile mix.
The substances that lead to addiction—drugs, alcohol, etc.—are not a basic, essential part of human life. Sex is.
In addition, substance abuse manifests in tell-tale physical signs. Addictions like gambling impact your finances in an obvious way. Conversely, sex addiction is easier to hide. Therefore, lying and deception can go on longer.
The depth of the problem, by proxy, has more time to worsen. You may not face up to the problem until it has ruptured trust with a loved one.
Sex Addiction Basics
The term “sex addiction” is used to define a condition in which a person feels unable to control their sexual urges, thoughts, and behaviors. It takes several forms, e.g. chronic infidelity, online porn use, fantasy, and obsession. Collectively, sex addiction is the fastest growing addiction of the twenty-first century—coinciding with the rise of the internet (and easily accessible internet pornography).
Signs and Symptoms
Increased number of sexual encounters and partners
An inability to control the urge to engage in sexual acts
Working one’s life around the need to be sexual (whatever that means to you)
Taking risks and putting oneself in danger in order to be sexual
Becoming unable to maintain basic daily functions due to managing your sex obsession
The trust between you and your partner has been ruptured
Considering that last symptom, it is essential to recognize the impact your behavior has on your partner and your relationship. It’s a case of both deception and betrayal. Both of you will experience guilt, shame, anger, and confusion.
So what's next?
A major part of sex addiction recovery involves rebuilding these broken bonds.
How to Face the Addiction and Heal Your Relationship
Educate Yourself
Sex addiction is complicated and nuanced. Leave no stone unturned in your self-education. The more you know, the better you can fight it.
Be as Transparent as Possible
You’ve kept secrets for too long. Find a therapist that is experienced in treating sex addiction.Your therapist can carefully guide you through a process of becoming transparent with your partner. This process feels worse before it feels better.
Do Not Deflect Blame
Of course, you feel embarrassed and ashamed. But that is never an excuse to blame anyone else—especially your significant other. Hold yourself accountable and give your partner time and space to process.
Accept the Need For Change and Outside Help
Sex addiction isn’t anything minor. It’s not something you can quickly “fix.” Fully accept that change is not negotiable and it requires professional guidance (see below).
Commit To Yourself First
As you start the process of healing, it is common to want to save your relationship, job, or something else. As you go along, you’ll learn that change begins with you. Increasing esteem, is a natural outcome of living in integrity.
Helpful steps:
Learn to ask for help
Become a part of a community of support
Commit to honest, direct communication
Remind yourself to notice progress, rather than perfection
Sex Addiction Therapy Puts You In a Place of Hope
When in the throes of sex addiction, you may find yourself spending lots of time putting out fires. Sex addiction therapy gives you the chance to slow down and focus on the underlying issues at the heart of your sexual compulsions.
From childhood abuse to lack of self-worth, from sexual trauma to a fear of abandonment—and beyond. You and your therapist will work as a team to explore your past and how it contributed to your current issues. From that position, you can begin the process of recovery.
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Rest assured, with the proper help, you can have a healthy relationship with sex again. If you'd like more information about how our approach to sex addiction treatment can help you, please don't hesitate to contact us.