6 Ways to Take Care of Yourself AfterYour Partner Disclosed Infidelity
What’s the first thought that comes to mind when you ponder the impact of an affair? For most folks, it may revolve around shock, anger, and shame. All of these emotions—and several others—are indeed likely in such a scenario.
Because of that, there’s a crucial component to consider for anyone who has been betrayed in their relationship by a partner: self-care. Betrayal can feel like your entire world has turned upside down. Yet, with all the feelings swirling about, there are parts of your life where others will expect you to remain at least somewhat functional.
How can you care for yourself while juggling responsibilities and the weight of this disclosure?
Infidelity in the Twenty-First Century
For starters, let’s acquaint ourselves with the concept of infidelity. In an accepted sense—and in most pop culture—it involves a person engaging in sexual activity with someone other than their partner. However, in the digital age, this definition can feel woefully outdated.
“Cheating,” in the 21st century, could mean:
Sexting
Emotional affairs
Flirting on social media
Online stalking
Not adhering to the boundaries set for non-monogamy
Sex addiction
Some sex acts are allowed, others are not
Internet pornography
It is essential to establish clear guidelines. The partner betrayed needs to be supported and finding a professional to talk with can be a great help. For anyone who has already felt the sting of betrayal, however, the first step is taking care of yourself.
Practice Self-Care
Each of us develops personal, unique ways to tend to our own needs. By all means, keep doing this. Ramp it up, in fact. In the meantime, keep the basics in mind, e.g.
Healthy eating habits
Daily activity and exercise
Relaxation techniques
Staying connected with trusted allies
After forming your foundation, you can move on to the suggestions listed below.
6 Specific Ways to Practice Taking Care of Yourself After Your Partner Disclosed Infidelity
1. Go At Your Pace
You have been betrayed. Thus, it is your call as to how the rest of this plays. Do not let anyone—least of all, your partner—try to dictate how much time you need to process and heal. Recovery will look different for each person. So, cater to your particular needs.
2. Do Not Self-Blame/Do Not Accept Deflected Blame
Infidelity has a way of making the betrayed spouse feel guilty. Repeat after me: You did not bring this on! Your partner made the decision to cheat. Do not blame yourself and do not let the blame be deflected on you by others.
3. Set Boundaries
Your partner may want to know what you’re thinking. And well-meaning relatives and friends will likely have no shortage of advice. Without isolating yourself, be sure to follow a path that feels right for you. It's not about everybody else.
4. Demand Transparency
You have every right to demand that your partner:
Discloses the details of the betrayal (should you choose to hear them)
Cuts off ALL contact with the other person(s) and the behaviors involved.
Becomes fully open with all future interactions—no more secrets!
5. Insist on a Real Apology/Forgive When (and If) You Are Ready
Your partner must take responsibility, show remorse, and find a professional to regularly meet with to address underlying issues. That’s a start. As for forgiveness, do not go there until you are certain you’re ready. Again, you get to set the agenda.
6. Lean on Your Support System
Once you’ve set your boundaries (see #3), be sure to maintain contact with the people you can trust. Lean on them when the pain feels like it’s too much. Accept their support before slipping into self-blame or self-harm. And resist the urge to withdraw.
—
Betrayal in a committed relationship is a uniquely painful experience, but you are not alone. Reach out for professional guidance as you seek healing and recovery. It all begins with an initial call. If you would like to know more about how our approach to infidelity counseling, please contact us.